I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
