4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
