I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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