Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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