I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
