you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
