the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
