I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
