OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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