dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
