it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
