She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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