No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
