Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
