Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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