I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
