Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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