Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
