I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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