you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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