I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
