i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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