we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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