I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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