she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
