i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my being single is dangerous.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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