If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
