me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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