You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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