i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Never joke about your clitoris.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
