She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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