and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
