i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
