Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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