It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
