She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
