sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
