they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
