I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
