I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize