My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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