she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
