So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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