mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
