Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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