Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
