Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
