and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is my gift to your gina
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
