Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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