please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
