She said her name was "party"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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