I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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