I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
