I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
love makes seman taste better
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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