I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
