Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
