If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
