so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
