I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
