I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
