He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
