My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
