OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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