i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
