thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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