I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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