Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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