i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
cat food counts as protein by the way
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
