farters have to be the big spoon...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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