so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
