Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
