Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
