she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
